Wolfstar
by FloatingCloudBadger
Summary: Sirius is married, and, missing a certain wolf, he feels so very, very tired.


**A/N – the idea of this is that this is what would have happened had there never been Voldemort, so Lily and James would still be alive, Sirius wouldn't be imprisoned, etc.**

Sirius stretched slightly, sitting comfortably in his chair. He was tired, that was certain – it had been a hard day at the Ministry, and James had been round, as well, that evening, with Lily and Harry and Claudia – and, in fact, he and James had resisted drinking when together for the first time really since they'd met. Even that hadn't decreased the madness of the evening, though. If anything, it had made it worse. It really did seem that him and James couldn't be together without stupidity occuring.

Of course, Moony and Wormtail had been there as well. They always were, with Tonks and Mary (Wormtail's wife) and the kids.

Sirius never normally needed to reflect on things, but the evening had been so very... _normal_ that he felt that he had to. Not that he had anything in particular to think about - nothing that he hadn't thought about before, anyway, and the main thing on his mind was the same as ever it was. This was that he was glad that Tonks and Katrina got on so well. On a night that perhaps hadn't been so normal, this wouldn't have crossed Sirius' mind - but thinking about that properly, he had to admit to himself that he never would have gone out with Katrina in the first place if she hadn't been such good friends with Tonks. Having her as a girlfriend had meant that he got to spend time with Moony again.

Still, he loved her now. Of course he did. She was lovely – so fiery and witty, and such a brilliant witch. Sirius loved her more than anything, except his kids.

He remembered the first time that they had met, at little Teddy's christening. He had been standing, holding the baby as an excuse to talk and laugh with Remus, when Tonks had come over. Sirius had sighed internally, then – it wasn't that he didn't like Tonks – she was a perfectly nice girl, and he knew that Remus loved her, it was just that… well, she took up a lot of his time, and Sirius missed Moony. Properly missed him.

"Wotcher, Sirius," she had said cheerfully, reaching out to take Teddy from him, and reluctantly, he had surrendered him. "Having fun?"

Sighing, Sirius had nodded moodily, not making eye contact.

"That much?" he had heard her mumble under her breath, a clear note of amusement in her voice, but before he could say anything indignant to her, she raised her voice to its normal tone again and spoke. "Listen, Sirius, I want to introduce you to someone."

The only way Sirius had responded to this was by shrugging, until Remus had whacked him gently on the back of his head.

"Stop being miserable," Remus told him mildly. "She's nice. You'll like her."

_Her,_ thought Sirius moodily, understanding suddenly. That made sense. Tonks had spent many an hour trying to set Sirius up with her friends (he presumed so that he would stop hanging around their house alone, moping) and they were all so, so stupid.

Still, he had decided to play along, and so had followed Tonks over to the other side of the room where a girl with long blonde hair was standing, looking a little lost.

"Sirius, Katrina, Katrina, Sirius," Tonks had said quickly, before rushing off to talk to her mother, leaving Sirius and this Katrina person to talk.

Not exactly liking the situation, Sirius hadn't been able to muster the energy to be his normal bouncy self, the person he was when he was, ironically, when he was with Remus. He just couldn't bring himself to be like that when he wasn't with him. It just didn't feel the same.

"So," Sirius had said listlessly. "How do you know Tonks?"

"I'm an Auror as well," Katrina had said nervously. "And we hang out a lot in the evenings and stuff, you know."

Automatically, Sirius had nodded, and it was only during the short pause before she asked him about his job that he had had an idea.

And, surprisingly, his idea had worked, and he had ended up spending masses of time with his Moony, going on double dates and sometimes even alone, because he and Remus were pretty good babysitters when Katrina and Tonks had needed a night out alone. It had been perfect.

Of course, that wasn't the reason that he had married Katrina and had three kids with her. He did genuinely love her. Genuinely. It was just that there was always and there always had been that little bit of longing inside of him for Remus. He didn't admit it most of the time, but sometimes, when they had spent the evening together, all the Marauders and their families, he couldn't quite help but think about what it would be like with no Tonks and no Katrina.

He remembered his first kiss with Remus. They had been sitting in the common room, after the Winter Dance, which he neither he nor Remus had had a date for, and so, as a kind of joke, they had gone together, and even danced together. Sirius had like it more than he had expected to, and he got a sense that Remus did as well.

"Let's not bother about dates for the next dance," Sirius had joked, staring at Remus. "Let's just go together, eh?"

"Absolutely," Remus had said, getting that little smile that Sirius had always liked. "No girls."

Sirius had nodded firmly, a huge grin starting to build on his on face.

They had sat talking a little longer – Sirius making stupid jokes, the kind that only Marauders laughed at, and Remus telling him calmly to shush a bit in case of McGonagall, a warning which Sirius had ignored – before realising that they should get to bed, and so stood up.

Somehow, they had ended up closer together than they had intended to, and for a split second it was just a little bit awkward – but then, out of the blue, a tiny bit intoxicated, Sirius had grabbed Remus, almost before he himself knew what he was doing – and started kissing him.

And, oh, it had been so good. Much better than any girl he had ever kissed – so, so much better – and Remus tasted so bloody good…

Almost to his surprise, Remus had started kissing him back, more passionately than Sirius had ever thought that he could. It seemed that this was something that Remus had fanaticised about as well.

He and Remus had never been a couple. Not really, anyway. They had kissed – many a time – and they had gone further than that, a few times – but they had never really gone out on a date. Neither of them had quite dared to ask the other. Looking back now, Sirius wished that he had.

But then they had left school, and Sirius had kept hoping for one of those moments that he saw in Muggle films – those moments when one would come chasing after the other at the airport, or when they would spell out "I love you" in snow or something, but it had never happened. Of course it hadn't. Why would it?

Then Remus had started working for the ministry, and he had met Tonks and they had gotten married, and Sirius couldn't even be _friends_ with Remus anymore, because he was too busy with china patterns and tablecloths. He couldn't even hope anymore. Even when he married Katrina and they could spend time together again, without women – it hadn't been the same. He knew by now that Remus didn't feel the same way. Sirius couldn't even hope.

And it was that - not work or children or marriage, but that – that made Sirius feel so very, very tired.


End file.
